Getting Rid of the Excuses

A few days later, and not much more work has gotten done.  I feel as if I’m always busy, but nothing is getting accomplished.  I cannot believe next week is the end of the semester and I still have so many things to complete.  I sit here in the library yet again, half asleep, and i question the quality of the work I’m going to produce, and I haven’t even been staying up late every night.  I wake up feeling fairly refreshed, so what’s up with this feeling of incompetence right now.  This is not like me!  I’ve just so out of it lately.  I am behind in some work and just feel like its been one thing on top of the other, over and over.  Now I have a ton of commitments, and work that’s not getting done.  I’m happy to be back on track (for the most part), however, I’m concerned since I’ve preferred to walk home the hour rather than come to the library in order to work on my homework.

For a procrastinator like me to even be this far behind is killing me!  I’m slowly freaking out, yet getting little work done.  There is nothing else to do but bite the bullet and get my work done, so what’s so difficult?  I need to live my life with no more excuses period!  No more school work or workout excuses, no more “I don’t have time” or “I won’t care later” because I always do… so here’s to me, I’ve got this again, and maybe throughout this journey, this time, I can convince myself to not let go again and finish something for a change.

I have been watching what I’m eating and trying not to be tempted or swayed… until today at least.  Maybe its that I awoke this morning with itchy eyes, a running nose and nonstop sneezing.  Maybe its because I woke up hungry, did I not eat enough yesterday?  Maybe its that I’ve hit that point in which I’ve hit many time recently, where I try to do so well, that I just give up.  Whatever the reason, I couldn’t help myself today… I felt like I’ve been hand in mouth all day, from my healthy breakfast of my daily protein coffee shake and an apple, to school lunch of chicken with the skin pulled off and a few sweet potato fries, to snacks of candy and cookies both from scoring and a portfolio presentation tonight… to the fact that it’s after 9:30, I’ve probably eaten more calories than I should have today, yet I’m still hungry.

This is a real hunger too, my stomach is growling kind of hunger, at least tonight it is… maybe not so much earlier in the day, but I’m not sure.  Any who, I’m not even craving junk food and candy, it’s just been what’s in front of me.  But I also don’t want something practical like a protein bar or other filling snack.  All I know is I want something finger food like, where I can pick.  Maybe something slightly crunchy and creamy at the same time… someone once told me that if I can’t figure out what I want to eat, I’m probably not hungry.  (Maybe my mom said that, but maybe not…)

Last night on my walk home, I knew I was awaiting dinner, however, I didn’t have a meal planned out since I was unsure about the library or not.  But it’s just been too nice of nights not to walk home lately.  The bridge is breathtaking in the moonlit clear sky.  So I decided last minute to stop by the food store since I hadn’t gone all week and didn’t even know what was on sale.  Sure I had things to eat at home, but I didn’t consume too many veggies yesterday and felt I needed some more.  I bee-lined it to the frozen food section, so I wouldn’t be tempted as a hungry shopper after a long day and 4 mile walk.  Low and behold, frozen veggies were on sale- I bought 3 boxes and 4 bags.  I love Green Giant and Birds Eye Steamers, all of which the entire bag or box is under 160 calories.  That with some protein and I’ve got a great dinner, considering I eat dinner so late.  Not too heavy, but filling enough to keep me satisfied with a Fiber One Brownie as dessert.

As for today, I’m not quite sure.  I know I’m hungry and after I finish this post, I might be giving up on the paper writing for tonight and head home to shower this pollen out of my itchy eyes and eat some more frozen veggies.  But that will be fine if I stick to that, and get read for tomorrow.

Thinking positively is not the issue right now, as it has been in the past, and for that I am happy.  I have come a long way in how I see myself as a person, and don’t get bent out of shape for slipping up or giving in every once in a while (or more than that) until I have let myself get out of control.  Regardless, I think the outlook on life is so much better!

As for now, I’m out, but I will be thinking critically on my way home about how tired and hungry I am feeling right now, and what this weekend will bring.  I need to knock myself out of this feeling, as I have an action-packed, eating and drinking filled weekend with tons of parties happening back to back on Saturday.  This will not allow me the opportunity to spiral out of control.  However, this will test my self control and will power all day Saturday and the aftermath on Sunday, as I’ve seen the trend lately being, I resist on the day of an event-usually the good stuff- yet on the day after, I eat everything and anything I can find.  I assume I’m trying to fill the mental void I left by not choosing to eat the meal in the first place, but why then do I go for the junk instead of indulging the day of and just leaving it on that day.  That, is something, I’m working on and trying to figure out.

How can I manage to maintain in the long run?

If I want to remain a success, I need to solve my problem….

When Will This Stop?

Surprise, surprise, I was back to square one yet again recently.  Spring break ended two weeks ago and even though, I tried to stay focused as I was right before spring break, I couldn’t.  At least I lost some before my friend’s wedding, only to go up 20 pounds in the next two weeks after that.

After spring break, I was gung-ho that I would get back on track, and I did for the most part.  I cleaned the disaster I called my apartment.  I went food shopping for actual food instead of take out or junk, and I cooked or prepped all my foods.  I was ready… I’m just so tired of restarting… time and time again, I say this is it, and I wouldn’t go back, but yet I do.  How can I change this?

Regardless, I have started again, and have walked at least 4 miles almost every day since I started.  I’ve made some great choices and some crappy choices in the past two weeks.  Several of them that I can and need to change for the better right now are to stop ignoring my grad school work, start blogging again regularly, as it keeps me focused, getting out of this bad mood I’m in right now, and figuring out/treating my muscle pain.

I don’t want to sit here in the library and complain instead of working on a paper that desperately needs to get done, but I think that would help to clear my mind.  I’m not in the mood for walking, maybe because I want to eat something fatty and give up (but I WON’T) or maybe because my body hurts me all over.

Yesterday,  I told myself I would go home after working and clean, food shop, cook and work on paper outlines-yes 3 of them!  But yet again, this did not occur in the least.  I went home, spoke to my sister for awhile, at the same time that I was putting things away where they belong, as opposed to scattered across my floor and furniture.  Then I was hungry… that was the beginning of my demise for the night.  I continued to eat, and even though it wasn’t “junk” food, I still went about 500 calories over budget.  However, I refused to be totally unproductive, so I did some research.

As I sat on the couch, my lower back/right hip hurt, my outside thigh hurt, and the top of my left foot.  Although I regularly go to the chiropractor and doctor, I also self-diagnose myself all the time, but am not a hypochondriac.  Yesterday, I tried figuring out what the knot on my lower back/hip is.  I thought at one point it was my IT Band, but I read that pain is actually felt in your knee,   At one point in the past, I thought it could be my piriformis muscle also acting up, but I’m not so sure of that either after doing readings on the topic.  I think now, I’ve deduced it to myofascial pain.

This is when I began looking into a trigger point.  A trigger point is explained as the cause of the pain, even if its not where the pain is felt.  This is why sometimes with a tension headache, pinching your hand in between the thumb and forefinger works to release this pain.  Ding, ding, ding!  An alarm went up in my head, as I’ve had a sensitive lump in my back/hip for many years, which I was told not to worry about and it would hurt if I tried to untwist the knot it formed.  Well, as a home remedy to myofasical pain, you lay on a tennis ball on the trigger point.  Yes it does hurt, but that good kind of hurt, that feels better in the long run.  And although I couldn’t find a tennis ball, and instead improvised with my EIOS egg chapstick, I felt great relief once I was finished.  And not only did that one spot feel better, but the entire lower back, butt, thigh felt better.  I think it’s time to buy some tennis balls!

So shouldn’t I feel better?

So why did today just spiral downwards?  Is it because I had an amazing weekend filled with nights out, getting nails done, walking, eating and hanging out with some good people, even if I did work through it.  I will not let myself get out of control, and won’t give into my desires to have lots of sweets and carbs.  Today just seemed to be a lot of nothing, I was busy, yet seemed to get nothing done, there was one thing that popped up right after another, and most not great.

As for now, I guess there is nothing else for me to do but my paper.  If I can get one done tonight and email it to my professor, I will feel much better about this right now.  Then I have to write four more papers between now and the end of the semester, which is a week from this Friday… I can do it, considering all the papers are fairly short… I just have to do it!

Happy First Week of Spring…

It’s been quite a while since I posted, yet I’ve been thinking about it daily. Life has just gotten crazy in the past few weeks, and longer. Although there has been little posting, I have held strong to my goals, and three weeks later and about fifteen pounds lighter, I think about what has happened to get me here and what I will face in the next few weeks.

I’m still so confused when it comes to my body and how I gain and lose weight. I know sometimes I overeat and gain weight, but when I’m working out regularly and moderately intesely, I can overeat and not gain weight. Just the opposite, I know I can eat really well and gain weight. Maybe this is from sodium and water weight, maybe it’s from under eating or my body adjusting to a recent lose. But what happens when it has no justification that I can see?

When I tried to get back on track, I found many opposing forces at play. I came back from Miami and headed to the farm. Of course I ate more than normal and full fat foods, but I ate salads to curb my hunger with each meal. I gained almost 8 pounds on the farm.

Then I got home and restarted my diet in full force. I lost 12 pounds within the first 6 days. Then I stayed at that weight for a whole week. Not up or down anything. That has not happened to me ever, usually I oscillate at least a portion of a pound. Then I gained four and a half from one night of corned beef and cabbage at mom’s (yum!)

and since then I’ve consistently been decreasing. But it’s been hard work! I know I might never understand and I just need to learn how to navigate my body as it is, but this is frustrating sometimes. And I know I shouldn’t complain because then I lose fairly quickly, but I just don’t know why.

As normal, there have been ups and downs on this journey thus far. I have been sick, had tons of people sicker than I around me, taken on more roles than I should have and am behind in my own work. But I am moving forward with getting healthy. I have been cooking and planning my meals, being prepared and holding strong to my will power, even when faced with temptations.

In the past few weeks, I have tried out new recipes and have some tweaks I would make, but overall made some good new decisions and will rotate these into my normal meal plans.

Some typically recipes of mine include: chili, green chicken chili, chicken or veggie soup, goat cheese & Greek yogurt chicken salad, taco salad, and any other salad with grilled chicken or the like on top.

Two weeks ago I started shrimp wraps. For this, I chopped up cabbage for detox purposes, onion, peppers, and baked this in a casserole dish for 40 minutes and then added shrimp and cooked an additional 10 minutes. Then I separated this into portioned. Each night for dinner, I heated up the mixture, scooped it into lettuce leaves and topped with salsa and light sour cream. Delicious!

  

That particular week, I realized I wasn’t eating breakfast, as the second I would walk into work, life got crazy. I can’t eat breakfast as soon as I wake, so when I get to work is my typical breakfast time. However, when there are so many responsibilities pulling at my time, I find myself pushing breakfast to the side. This is particularly hard on days which lunch is late, two days a week it’s at 1:30 and one day it’s even as late as 2:20. When I start my day with the kids at 8:40, that’s a long morning! Last week to combat this issue, I started to make my own coffee and stick it in the fridge to cool. In the mornings, I fill my blender bottle with 10oz of strong coffee, a few tablespoons of fat free creamer and a scoop of vanilla almond whey protein powder.

Last week in addition to a new round of my breakfast, I also made a new lunch, as dinners were going to be on the go with late nights at work. I tried a new veggie mixture. I wasn’t sure what protein I wanted with it, so I tried something new and added some quinoa to the mix. I baked peppers and onions,(again) along with green beans and mushrooms with eggplant in a homemade sofrito seasoning… All veggies were on sale, and I couldn’t pass them up. I have gotten into this baking my veggies in a casserole dish so I can multi task and not stand over the stove while they are cooking. However, I did cook the quinoa on the stove and divided into my containers. Once the veggies were done, I added them to my containers and covered them to cool. I wanted to add cabbage again but my baking dish was full, so instead, I cut it up and tossed the whole warm veggie mixture over it each day for lunch. Talk about filling! There were some days I couldn’t finish the portion I allotted myself per day.

This week, my new creation dish was inspired by things I had lying around my pantry. When I was meal planning, I wasn’t sure if I was going to have to move or not, as my lease was going up significantly. I had some cans of pineapple slices and a bottle of teriyaki marinade which I haven’t used. I saw some picture of grilled pork chops with pineapple and decided to try a version of it. I, as a grown up, have never made myself pork chops before. I usually cook chicken or ground turkey or beef. Other than that, it’s mostly veggie dishes or fish for me. So this was a real accomplishment in my thinking about protein. I marinated a family pack of bone in pork chops in half the bottle of teriyaki sauce and some juice from the pineapples. I also cut up peppers and onions and did the same. Then next day I baked the veggies. In a separate pan, I baked the chops in the last 10 minutes of cooking, I added the pineapple slices to the top. Once done, I cut out all the bones and weighed out about 3 ounces of meat, placing each serving in a container with a portion of the veggies. This I topped with the pineapple again and let cool. Once each container is heated for dinner, I stick a healthy scoop of salsa on top for some tang and eat. I’m so happy with the flavor profile, I think I might need to learn to make a healthier, homemade version of teriyaki sauce. Ahh! I can’t wait to get home for dinner this week.

Today I was at a workshop, as was I yesterday. However, I walked yesterday from my workshop to school and then again home, totally about 8 miles. The previous day, I attempted to walk home, and made it half way. Last week I walked home twice, about 4.5 miles each day. This has made me extra hungry today. It was a hard day to stick to my plan and the food I brought with me. At the end of the workshop, the presenters put candy in the tables. This was tough to resist, but I didn’t have any of it.

I had all my snacks before 3pm and attempted to walk downtown. Mother Nature had other plans, as I barely made it 2 miles before the drizzle grew harder and the wind froze my fingers and toes. I was forced to train it the additional 3 miles down to my meeting.

While waiting, I was starving, yet I couldn’t decide what to eat that wouldn’t break my food bank. I settled on a banana and iced coffee with skim milk after walking in and out of many food establishments. Afterwards, it was still rainy and cold and I couldn’t walk home, so I hopped back on the train. I ate dinner as planned and kept my picking tonight to a minimum, not like the past two nights where I’ve indulged in some nuts with whipped cream and strawberries…. A scrumptious combination.

In general, I’ve allowed myself to be easy going in the rest of my meals. Some canned soup and greens or yogurt and a small box of cereal for lunch, fiber one bars and fruit or cottage cheese for snacks.

As for now, I’ll take the confidence growing back in myself and the way my clothes fit me.

And I will take this weekend in stride, as I’m going to my friend’s wedding. I already have planned to eat a healthy breakfast and lunch and ordered the healthier dinner option (I hope). If I can keep the cocktail hour, drinks and dessert at bay, I’ll be fine. I can dance it off! But regardless of how this Saturday goes, Sunday I’ll be back in track. I have about 3 months to camp by this point, and even though it seems like it might not ever be shorts season, as it’s still freezing outside, I know this time will creep up on me and this year, I’ll be prepared. Prepared not only to start the summer at a happy weight, but also to end it.  But first, I anxiously await spring and the warmer weather that brings this city to bloom.

And goodbye to the snow for the season!

3 Months Later…

Each time I come back, I sing “here I go again on my own… going down the only road I’ve ever known…”.  I do that a lot, have a soundtrack for my life, as most things remind me of a song or a movie line.

And it’s true, here I go again!  Almost three months later, and tons of ups and downs later, I’m ready to start my journey again.  I tried so many times in these last 3 months to restart, but when I’m not ready, it just doesn’t matter, I really can’t fake it until I make it…

But I’m ready again.  I’ve hit my low, my annual after the holidays depression or exhaustion.  I’ve come out of it, and grew happier even though I still continued to eat like shit and although I tried to start exercising.  Now I’m ready for it all.  I want what I had last year, and for good.  I look back on pictures from June last year when I got down to my lowest weight again, for the 3rd year in a row, I hit close to 160 and then bounced right back up.  Now I start again, with a solid 30 pounds left to lose just to get back there, not including the extra almost 15 pounds to my goal weight.

Somehow though, life is turning around.  I have good friends in my life and surprisingly several cute guys lurking around, in addition to a good mood (aside from the cold, snowy weather that’s forcing me to stay indoors), I think I’m ahead of where I’ve been in the past, and that’s definitely a plus.

This week I began eating on a strict “diet”.  As week one, I need to fully commit and mentally bring myself into a mindset of not only “I can do this” but also “I’m worth it” and “I don’t need all that crap in my diet”.  So as I complete a version of the Look Better Naked Cleanse this week, I am looking ahead to the upcoming weeks to prepare myself for good decisions.

My coworkers and friends have already planned some time for us to sit down and discuss meal planning and workouts along with motivation.  I know I’ll get back to where I was, but until then, I need to be very conscious about my decisions.

Now here’s the thing.  I was sick last week, in which I slept more than I typically do.  The week before, I was away and on vacation in Miami, where I drank my weight in alcohol regularly.  Now as I am cleansing myself, I figure why not detox a little.  I’m not going to limit myself and grow antisocial, so I will break the alcohol fast close to once a week until at least the end of the month, as I have parties, but I will go slow while I’m out.  Right now, drinking my calories doesn’t sound as appealing as it was a few weeks ago, but I know that will change also when I’m out having a good time.

Miami was a tease, it was warmer than New York, but definitely colder than it should’ve been.  However, it was perfect running weather.  We went for a slow 2 mile run one day and walked even more.  It was wonderful and makes me excited about daylight savings this weekend and warmer weather which is hopefully on its way.  I write this as I here the hail and sleet falling against my window as the start of yet another 3-7 inches of snow.

I am optimistic in that this might very well be the last storm of this winter, as we slowly transition into spring.  I’m okay with that, as long as the weather goes back to about where it should be, so I can walk again.  That in and of itself is such a mood booster.

Back to week one.  So on this cleanse I am eating a yogurt instead of a smoothie for breakfast.  This followed by a salad with only greens and protein for both lunch and dinner with a few veggie based snacks.  I have strayed slightly, but I’m not on the cleanse for any particular reason.  I have just found in the past it is the best way to kick the sugar and junk craving my first week back on track.

So far so good.  Next week I will add in working out, back to the gym I go… and tracking my sleep again.  This is going to be the difficult aspect, as when I’m eating healthy and working out, I tend to have increased energy, at least for the first few weeks.  This leads to less sleep and then increased difficulty in following my plan.  I know I will succeed, but it might be a struggle as I look ahead to maybe 3 hours of sleep tonight.

And with that, I reiterate to myself that I have 4 months to make it to goal and fit into my skin jean shorts for summer camp.  Even at my skinniest, I bought shorts that were too tight (but not by much) thinking I would make it into them as I was on my way.  However, I never got there, and aim to be there by the start of summer this year.  Hard work and perseverance here I come!

What A Day!?!

Today has certainly been a flop of a day!

It all started yesterday… It didn’t start out as a bad day, just cold.  Staff meeting was short, I had time to catch up on a few things.  I went to the chiropractor and walked to class, regardless of the chilly weather.  This is when my day started going sour.  I had planned on working on my project in class, as it was a lab night.  This was awesome, I had planned to stay after and work on my wireframes.  When I went to open my files off of my flashdrive, it wouldn’t let me because the two versions were different.  I grew frustrated.  I had to sit through class and do nothing.  My frustration only heightened.

I walked home, and gave up on school work for the night.  I fell asleep early.  When I woke up this morning, I got ready and showered.  Miraculously in the shower, I realized that I ejected my flashdrive from the computer, but never pulled it out of the back.  I had a meeting with my professor today and needed to tutor afterschool.  Man, my day started…

I got dressed, knowing it was raining out with my raincoat and skinny jeans in boots.  I grabbed the big umbrella and headed out, only to walk the 10 minutes in sideways rain… I was soaked.  My swamp feet and wet jeans were uncomfortable as I walked into work.  Luckily I keep slipper shoes at work for wet days like this, but that didn’t help with my very wet jeans.  I dealt with it… the kids were off the charts with the not listening.  I tried to deal with that, but found myself growing frustrated, so I just let it be.

A coworker even commented that I got sleep last night and was more cranky today than other, sleepless nights.  I concur, maybe I should continue with the no sleep until I can sleep for days!

After lunch today, I left early to try to pick up my flash drive.  Success!  Then I headed to tutor.  That was another epic fail of the day.  They forgot that I was coming for a second week in a row.  I left and called my mom to vent (thanks mom!)  Then I went to meet with my professor and braced myself for the worst.  It wasn’t as bad as I thought, there is just a bunch of organizational errors in my paper, but the content is mostly there.  Whatever wasn’t we researched together, since this is my only website class ever, I’m at a disadvantage from my classmates.  My webpages, and the program in which I was growing very frustrated with just need to be finished, and not as perfected as I thought.  Ahhh…. Maybe I will be done in a few days, before my party.  I just need to not waste time, like surfing the internet for an hour before getting to work, as I just did.

I now just need to leave behind all of the negativity that I was feeling today.  If I focus, I can complete this and move forward with my life.

Now that I’ve vented some more, I would also like to allow myself to celebrate some other successes.  I weighed in today, and I lost 4 full pounds from last Tuesday.  I’ll take that, as I was up 1 pound last week, so it’s really like I’ve lost 3 since Thanksgiving week.  Now just another 4-5 before Puerto Rico and I’ll be content.  As I know I’m gaining a bit in Puerto Rico, I already have plans to walk and eat healthy during the day, it’s just my dinners and my all day and night drinking…. which for vacation is non-negotiable in my book.  I’d rather work twice as hard when I get home than not drink on vacation.

I am feeling better about myself and now need to pick out a birthday outfit for this weekend and also for Puerto Rico.  Ahhh life can be so good sometimes.  That’s what I kept saying today since so many things seemed to go wrong.. that too many things were going right in my life, I knew bad things were bound to rain on my parade.  And today I literally was rained on.  I let the frustrations get the better of me.  And now I’m done with my day of just wanting to scream.  It’s strange, I would normally throw myself a pity party.  Today not so much, but I did wish that I was still training now, as I would have loved to kick something.  Ahhh, as I sit here and think about it, I really do need to find a gym with a bag, so I can kick…

This is what I wish I looked like right now….

Instead, I look like…

Not for much longer though, so in the best for me, I think it’s time to go back to my work… But as for the rest of the week, work, schoolwork and less stress.  I will not work on anything that I need done before Monday.  I will have my project done by Thursday.  I will be happy and smile more.  I find when I smile, things get put into perspective….

It’s nice that there is a person I’ve been texting for a few weeks already, but he’s awake late and makes me smile.  I don’t know too much about him yet, but I do know that even if this doesn’t go anywhere, I still got some good smiles out of it, and all those smiles were at times in which I could’ve strongly stressed out…

And that’s my advice for the night, smile!

Lack of Weekend Love…

I’m starting to get frustrated with all of the things going on in my life right now.

It’s been a nice weekend considering, but all I want to do right now is cuddle up in bed and stay there.  Yet of course I can’t because I over-schedule myself like there’s no tomorrow.

Friday was a nice day at work.  When I’m gone, I do miss the kids, much to any stress and dismay.  I had an early meeting and didn’t get my good coffee, but I did grab an iced coffee on my way, for some caffeine pick me up.  At lunch, I ate some more of my left over chili with cabbage for a yummy crunch.  Then after school, I was pulled into the office to help with a technology thing.  I was given a sandwich.  I was hungry, so I ate the inside and threw out the bread, because I knew I was going out all night.  I ate a mini snickers and ran out of the office so this didn’t continue.

I forced myself to walk to close to 5 miles to my summer camp holiday party.  It was that nasty mist outside, not rain, but wet enough.  I didn’t care, I knew I was going to be eating and drinking more than I should have been.  I got there and immediately started drinking.  Everyone was drinking some drink on happy hour, that was much too sweet, made with a variety of juices.  Instead, I settled on my usual… tequila with club soda and extra lime.  I am a tequila lover, and can handle it much better than something like gin.

Food started coming out slowly.  Everyone over the summer just eats!  And so I knew that would be the case tonight, but who could say no to free food and booze?  Not me (and that’s part of my problem too– but for a different day).  So I ate a little piece of mushroom pizza, 3 polenta sticks with sauce and 2 sliders.  The food was delicious and the drinks were pretty strong.  A great combination for a normal night… not when I’m watching what I’m eating.  We hung out for about two hours.  It was nice to see everyone- and in real clothes, not our camp t-shirts.  I felt good, I was wearing a new dress with leggings and knee high boots.  This feeling needs to stay so that I can stay strong.

This led into a second holiday party for the night.  All my camp friends headed uptown, and I walked downtown about 10 blocks to meet up with my event group friends.  We were celebrating also.  It was good to see people I haven’t seen since the summer here either.  Everyone was eating appetizers when I showed up and passed on them all, saying hi and catching up with others.  When I agreed to join the group this night, I told them I wasn’t eating dinner due to my other party.  That was fine, no one forced me to do anything, although I had one bit of a fish dish with spinach.  It was good, but I was content with my tequila.

After everyone ate, we got up as a dj started.  We were sitting in a nice balcony area, where we had a semi-private space.  We danced for a while, as some people began to leave.  When there were only three of us left, we headed across the street to another bar with swing dancing.  Unfortunately, we missed the dancing, but hung out for another drink.  This made about 7 tequila drinks and a shot over the course of 7 hours.  I was tired and needed to tutor on Saturday, so I called it a night about 2.  I got home, and went straight to sleep!

Success!

Saturday I woke up unhappy to have to tutor in the rain, yet again!  I’m getting so sick of this rain every other day.  I know its better than snow in many ways (but I do love my snow– not this much though)..  but I want to be able to walk and enjoy my days.  So I had 5 sessions over 6 hours.  The one hour I had a break, I should have done work, but instead I took a half hour nap and then ate a protein bar.  I ate well, not having much of a choice in the morning.  I brought mango slices, a protein Quest bar, a fiber one bar, and a bunch of carrots.  By the time I got home, I was hungry.

I knew my time was limited though, so I ate a piece of cheese and bought a second coffee of the day.  I went to the food store for the week, and it wasn’t as crowded as I thought it would be.  I purchased food for lunch this week, lunch next week, and cookie ingredients for my party this weekend– I’m actually going to celebrate my birthday this year!

When I got home, I had an hour until I had to leave to go out that night, as I was hosting an even tin the Bronx.  I wished at the time that I wasn’t hosting because I really didn’t want to go, it was cold and wet and not fun getting ready for it.  But I pursued anyway.  I cut up the veggies I bought- carrots, celery, onion, along with fresh parsley and chicken breast pieces.  I stuck it all in the crock pot with some chicken broth.  Then I boiled eggs for a snack through the week.

Lunch and snack were almost done!  For breakfast, I bought instant oatmeal which was on sale along with some fruit.  I heated up frozen veggies for my dinner and called it a night.  I got dressed… after several outfit changes, I felt content– but I didn’t know what to expect from the Botanic Gardens, as I was going to the train show, which turned out to be awesome!

I was meeting a friend at his apartment so he could drive us.  This was amazing and it kept me dry.  I was supposed to meet up with other friends who were out in the city after my event.  They were down in the meatpacking district, but with the rain getting worse, I gave up on the idea, and accepted the ride home.

When I got home, my neighbor came up to hang out as I sat my ass on the couch.  All I wanted to do was watch Christmas movies– which didn’t happen.  Instead, after he left, I ate half a tub of peanut butter.  I knew earlier in the day I shouldn’t have bought it.  But I hoped I could save it.  Nope.  Peanut butter cannot enter my house as I love it way too much!  (I wish I was like my mom often, she hates peanut butter with a passion, and I just don’t understand it!)

Well maybe these benefits aren’t as great when I eat half a jar!

I woke up this morning feeling bad about myself, and didn’t want to get on the scale.  But I forced myself to anyway.  I weighed exactly the same as the past two days.  I felt better, but at the same time thought about what I would have lost if I didn’t eat my weight in peanut butter last night.

I headed to tutoring today with a bag of snacks.  I brought a yogurt, 2 hard boiled eggs, a Quest peanut butter and jelly bar, sliced mango and a water bottle.  I picked up coffee on my way.  I had two sessions, then walked a few miles for my third.  After that I headed into Brooklyn for a massage and steam room.  It was fabulously relaxing.

Unfortunately though, I couldn’t go home and do nothing for the rest of the night.

Instead, I’m sitting here at the library growing frustrated at this program.  I need to use InDesign for my web project and its harder to learn the program than it is to create my page.  It’s taking me too long and I can’t figure out how to do the things I want to add to my pages.  My goal is to be done with this project by late Thursday night.  This way, I can bake my cookies Thursday when I get home from the library and then get ready for my party.  Then I won’t have to worry about this for the weekend, since I have plans for the entire weekend.  I would like to just leave my presentation slides for next Sunday night and be able to hang up my work for the semester, as I’m done with my papers for my second class.  This would be ideal!

In addition to this work, I have a million things on my mind.  I’m freaking out as I know its my luck for something to go wrong in the 25th hour.  I want my school work and party to go off without a hitch and I hope everyone who has told me they are coming really do!  I’m excited for this…

Then I can relax and get ready for vacation… which is my next milestone… woo hoo!

A busier week than anticipated!

Yesterday was more of a normal day at work, although now I will be taking my lunch the last period of the day on Wednesdays due to scheduling of specials.  This sucks!  It means that I eat breakfast about 8:30 and I won’t have my lunch break until about 2:30.  I have to remember to make sandwiches or something easy to eat when I do lunch duty with the kids at 12:45.  This way I can get work done on my lunch and not be ravenous and eat everything in sight on Wednesdays.

This Wednesday was okay, and I did eat a sandwich with the kids.  I wasn’t insanely hungry and I got some work done on my lunch.  However, I ran out after work to tutor and grabbed an apple.  I picked up another coffee and after tutoring met my mom for dinner.  We tried a new restaurant in midtown called Kristabelli.  I was a Korean BBQ place and we had delicious food.  We started with an amuse-bouche and 2 appetizers.  Then we got 2 entrees.  One was a bibimbop, which is a rice dish.

 

Then we had wagyu beef on the grill and lots of sides, including seaweed, kimchi, sauces, and a salad which was all delightful!  I would definately go back and eat some more.  I was full by the time we finished the meal and our bottle of wine.

 

Then came dessert.  We ordered a Korean pancake, which was to die for.  I loved the sauce it was smothered in and wanted to bathe in it, but I resisted and stuck to licking my spoon clean.  We also got a caramel popcorn ice cream dish.  My mom enjoyed that more than I did, but it was very good.

 

I practically rolled out of there, full but not completely stuffed.  We wandered around midtown and walked off some of the food.  We looked at the holiday shops and ended up in Bryant Park for a glass of wine outside next to the fire.  It was nice not to rush anywhere and just hang out before things get crazy again.

 

I got home that night and should have done some work, but instead, I chilled out and went to sleep (still not early, but not as late as the past few days).

My mom called (my alarm when I am staying up late since I am so not a morning person).  I went to Crossfit this morning and we did a solid cardio session with rowing, mountain climbers and jumping rope.  It sucked until I left and felt great.  I even had time to go home and shower my sweaty self off since I was heading to a workshop, not work this morning.

For lunch, I had a combination of things, as I picked up a whole bag of carrots, some sliced veggies at the late night deli off the subway near me.  I haven’t gone food shopping this week and don’t have time to really do much prep.  I even got to plan my meals for next week while at the workshop.  I’m excited as I’m planning some chicken soup and oatmeal for next week since it’s getting cooler.

Now I just need to find time to go food shopping.  But I guess Saturday afternoon after tutoring will do just fine.

I walked uptown and went shopping, since I had to return a dress that did not look good on me.  Instead I bought a shirt and a skirt with a pair of new earrings.  I was trying on a few things, and I know I feel better about myself, I just wish my midsection felt the same way.  I was unhappy with what I saw in the mirror.  But I won’t let it get me down, I’m working too hard to give up, because then my belly really won’t look hot.

I thought about a workshop my co-worker/friend went to last night on emotional eating.  She started to tell me about it today over lunch.  The gist of what she was telling me really struck home as it is something I regularly struggle with.  It was the difference between self-esteem and self-worth.  Self-esteem is what I struggle with because I let others influence how I feel about myself.  My self-esteem is highly rooted in how much I weigh, and what I perceive myself to look like (which is usually negative…)  However, I feel lately, I’m focusing on my self-acceptance more than that self-esteem which is influenced by my environmental factors.  I am feeling better about who I am as a person and am coming to terms with the fact that I can’t control everything and at the same time, I can’t have everything.  I work my ass off in so many aspects of my life, and even though I don’t look the way I wish I looked, that’s okay because I’m making moves to be healthier, physically and mentally.  (More to come about this workshop… )

However, after my shopping trip I went to class, where about half way through I thought I was going to die, I got so tired.  She made us put down our computers and so I couldn’t keep myself occupied and awake.  Afterwards I had to make an appearance at a portfolio exhibit.  There was tons of appetizers there and I was so hungry.  But I was going out to dinner, so I didn’t want to eat, but I couldn’t resist as I was so hungry.  I had some of the grilled veggies and tried to stay away from the fried foods and sweets.  I had half a glass of wine and forced myself to leave.

At dinner, I couldn’t decide what was the best option.  While looking at the menu of Heartland Brewery, I couldn’t decide from the vegetarian dish with squash and wheat berries, a salad, or baked chicken.  I ended up getting the ahi tuna burger on whole wheat with a salad instead of fries.  Only stupid me forgot to ask for all the sauces and dressing on the side, as I was distracted.  So my stuff was doused.  I only ate a few forkfuls of the greens and I took the side of the bun off with the mayo.  I ate the tuna steak and half of a half of the bun with a ginger slaw.  I only drank water.  I tried.

I couldn’t stay long, grabbed a cup of coffee and headed to the library yet again.  And now, I’ve been here for almost 2 hours and what can I say I’ve done?  I looked on pintrest for some cookie recipes.  I think I’m going to make a few batches of cookies for my birthday party next weekend.  I also spent time writing up this post and editing some comprehension questions for my students.

Damn I still have a lot of work to do.  I’m such an awful procrastinator and I can find a million ways to not get this paper done.

LMAO… like this Problems of Procrastinators

 

 

 

 

Thanksgiving Recovery

After all my advice for myself before Thanksgiving, I followed some of my goals and failed at others.  It’s okay though.

Wednesday night, I went to the Balloon Inflation event as I was planning to watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade balloons get blown up.  I was wet and cold, but beared it anyway, figuring when would I ever do it again?  It was a neat New York experience.  Afterwards, I went downtown with a friend to meet up with three other friends hanging out in Penn Station waiting for us.  We had a shot to warm up our bodies, then headed out to our next stop in the Meatpacking District.  We bumped into a cool looking Beer Garden and went in for a drink.  Then we hit up two more places, the first where we toasted to the midnight of Thanksgiving, then headed to another bar for some dancing.  This we stayed at until they turned the lights on and kicked us out at 4am.  How did I manage to make this, up for over 23 hours straight, since I went to Crossfit that morning before work, I was up at 6 and went to bed around 5:30.  Although there was a small part of me who knew if I went to sleep it would be that much harder for me to wake up in the morning.  I did it though.  And I even woke up two hours later at 7:30 to shower and pack up for the weekend.  Then I headed to the grocery store in order to food shop for the dinner Friday and breakfast Saturday I was planning.  This took me an hour and I was on my way to my mom’s.

At mom’s I had some caffeine and helped her cut some cheese and veggies.  My brother and sister came upstairs and began cutting as well, so I had them help me cutting all the veggies for the chili the next morning.  Thanks bro for all the onions!  When that was done, family began to arrive.  Mom put out apps and I had a few pieces of cheese and walked away.  I kept my afternoon under wraps, eating some yogurt and veggies ahead of time.

Then dinner was served!

 

 

I made my plate, lots of veggies and protein, and then I added a taste of sweet potatoes, rice and stuffing.  I stayed away from the biscuits and anything else I was only wishy-washy on.  I ate half the plate with a glass of wine and was full.  So instead of forcing myself, I wrote my name on the plate and stuck it on the counter, which I went back to later in the night.  This kept my snacking at bay, since I had part of my dinner left, and it alleviated as much picking as I could.

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Dessert was easy to resist for some reason at the time.  There was ice cream cake, cheesecake, and cookies with ice cream (could you tell my family likes ice cream?)  I didn’t have dessert at the time, but definitely snacked on cookies later that night until they were eaten by the 11 people that stayed at my mom’s for the weekend.

 

After snacking a bit that night, and having a second glass of wine, we put on some movies and hung out.

The next morning we all woke up with shopping on the brain.  I quickly put up two different chilis in crockpots to cook all day while we were out.  My mom had made a french toast bake, which I had a taste of and we left for some shopping time.  I had a cup of coffee midway through the mall and not much else.  We got home about 6, all hungry with the house smelling delicious.  Mom had put out the leftovers and we pigged in, eating a combination of leftovers and chili.  The ground turkey, red bean chili was almost finished before I had saved one container for myself for lunch throughout the week.  I ate this over cabbage, figuring it would be a good day for some detoxing veggies.  The green chicken chili went over fairly well also, but I had two containers left of that.  I limited my leftovers to a little rice and potato salad (since there was no more stuffing).  However, this night was much worse with the snacking.

 

 

Since we hadn’t eaten anything all day, it was harder to resist.  On top of that, I was exhausted.  I barely slept in the two days and I spend 8 hours at the mall shopping.  I snacked on pub cheese with pretzels, cookies, and pepperoni with a few chips.  Everytime I told myself to stop I would, then shortly later I would go back to it.  This all until I went to sleep about 1:30 for a second day in a row.  Talk about not getting enough sleep, it was so unhealthy for my body, and I still haven’t gotten an appropriate amount of sleep and won’t for the rest of December, until vacation at least.

Saturday morning we woke up early again (about 7:30) and I started cooking breakfast as we were talking.  I made two kinds of egg bakes from recipes I adapted off of pintrest.

 

 

 

The first, I figured would be for the family.  I put frozen has brown potatoes on the bottom (most of the bag), then I cut up a package of frozen breakfast turkey sausage.  Then I mixed up a dozen eggs with some milk and poured it on top with half a red onion.  For the smaller tray, I used one portion of the potatoes and 3/4 a package of the turkey sausage.  Then I added the red onion with some left over veggies from the Thanksgiving veggie platter, including pepper, broccoli, and carrots.  I also added some spinach and topped it with a container of egg beaters with a little milk also.  I baked these for 45 minutes covered in tinfoil.  Then I took off the foil and topped each with cheese (the regular one with a Mexican blend and the smaller one with fat free cheddar).  I baked it again for 15-20 minutes until it was all bubbling.

 

From the family’s comments, many of them enjoyed the veggie one better anyway, so next time, I’ll reverse the sizes.  We only had a little of the veggie one left.

That day we did more shopping at Target, then headed to the movies to watch Mockingjay Part 1.  Damn movie theater popcorn is so freaking good, I ate a bunch of it with some peanut butter MnMs.  Awesome!

We went home and I packed up the million bags I had from my Black Friday shopping and headed home to go out that night.  I agreed to host another event, but once I was home and brought all my bags upstairs, I just wanted to sit and veg out on the couch.  Instead I got dressed and headed out before I could get too comfy.  I ended up having a nice night, and stayed out a little longer than I anticipated.  Maybe because I spent more time with guys I just met than the group, but regardless I hung out till after midnight yet again.  Where is this energy coming from?

The next morning, I woke up to tutor and at the rest of the veggie bake cold on my way to my first session.  I was fine that first one, left with 3 peppermint scones and ate them all on my way to the second session.  Damn!  I was positive this would be a good day.  So I tried.  I ended my second session and walked the 2.5 miles to my third and final session of the day.  After that I walked to Brooklyn to get a massage I scheduled as a treat.

 

It was supposed to be a 90 minute massage that ended after 60.  At first I was pissed, but scheduled myself to go back for the rest of it next week, so I guess that can’t be too bad.  Although I was so tired, I stayed awake for most of the massage then walked the 2 miles home.  I unpacked and cleaned my apartment until my neighbor came over to hang out for a bit.  Then I was tired and went to sleep.  I snacked, which except for the wine was fine in terms of staying within my budget for the day.

Monday I forgot to set my alarm and missed my Crossfit class.  I brought all my leftovers (the chili, cabbage, fat free sour cream, a sandwich and yogurts) to work to eat as my meals all week.  I did fine throughout the day and enjoyed seeing my Chiropractor again after such a long weekend.  By the time I was ready to walk to class, of course it was raining again and I couldn’t walk.  I took the train there.  After class though, it was clear enough to walk home.  When I got there, I heated up a package of frozen cauliflower in a garlic sauce.  I topped it with grated cheese and hot sauce.  That was satisfying for that time of night.  I knew I needed to get stuff done, but also knew I needed to sleep, so I gave up earlier than I should have.  But I felt better about it today.

This morning though, I woke up hungry and on my way to school I treated myself to a wake up wrap from Dunkin Donuts with my coffee.  Tuesday is my early morning at work and I can’t get my liquid happiness from across the street.  My coteacher was out today which meant my day was all off.  Not bad, just more hectic than normal.  I ate breakfast, and then started work.  I ate my chili for lunch and afterschool, I headed for my tutoring session.  I walked in a panic trying not to be too late since I had to dismiss an entire class today.  But I made it and they weren’t even expecting me.  The little girl was not happy to see me and had a fit.  Her mom told me to reschedule and I left!  I rushed for nothing, but at least I get paid… and I got to take the 5pm Kettlebell Kickboxing class instead of the 6pm.  The 5pm class has less people and this way I was out earlier to come to the Library to work on my final project which is due in less than two weeks.

I’m freaking out only a little and should be working on it, but I needed to post to keep me focused.  I weighed in today and was a pound heavier than last week.  I guess after a holiday weekend, that’s okay with me, but I was hoping to stay down.  I have a busy couple of weeks and my goal of being 10 pounds lighter by Christmas might not be happening.  But I would love to be in my 10s by the time I need to wear shorts again.  If I’m focused I can at least be down a few pounds, even with a ton of dinners and happy hours coming up.  Too many parties in the holiday season.  But I will prevail!  My good mood is kicking in and I’m committed to head to Crossfit in the mornings and working out in the evenings if I have time, considering my finals and such.  I’m trying at least not to snack, like the person sitting next to me is on candy and other fattening shit I don’t need now.  I’m not even interested in it, but if given the chance, I know I would mindlessly eat it.  Especially since spending a few nights in the Library means late nights, early mornings and little sleep.  This all means I’m hungrier in general and eat more to stay awake.

I just need to make sure right now that I am eating as best as I can, and right now, I think that means more snack foods to keep me powering through the time at the library and working out as often as I can.  I’m going to try to get to Crossfit at 6:30am 3 times a week for the next 3 weeks.  Then I’ll decide if I can continue to afford it, but right now, it’s the best time for me because it’s out of the way and I start my day on a positive note.  I enjoy working out in the morning, I just wish I could do it on my own.

Although its getting cold, I can still walk as well. However, it sucks when I need to dress warm for when I’m staying around outside at lunch duty or waiting for an appointment.  At the same time, when I’m walking with my backpack on my back and my gym bag on my hip for more than 20 minutes, its hard not to start sweating.  Then I have this awful disconnect where part of my body is cold, and part is hot and sweaty.  Then I get to something like school or a tutoring session with a sweaty back and pitts. Then I grow cold because I’m wet.  What’s a sweaty girl to do?  Dress lighter?  Carry a million extra clothes?  Don’t walk?  I don’t know what’s the best of the evils.  I guess I’m going to have to figure out how to walk around New York with an even bigger bag than I already do, that’s a problem I think.

But it’s all for the best!  The best for me, and it’s me I’m worried about.  I am finally feeling happy with myself again and need to just juggle my responsibilities and my fun times!  It will be worth it in the end though, I know it will be… every time I get down to around 160, I head right back up, but the fact is I’ve made it down there 3 times already in the past few years.  I can do that and more, I just need to stay motivated and supported by those around me… time to ditch those around me that don’t support me, which aren’t many at this point, but there are new people joining my life that I need to make sure are as understanding as those who are close to me.  I got this.  I just need to be confident in myself!

Woo Hoo, Excited for the Weekend to come!

This has been a very exciting past few days.  Monday I woke up in the best of moods.  I woke up early and finally made it to Crossfit before work.  I completed my hour workout and grabbed a cup of coffee on the way to work, where I changed and got ready for the day.  I had a really good morning and had my meals planned out from the previous day.

However, my day didn’t go exactly as I planned, I ate my sandwich and apples as normal.  Then for snack during my staff meeting, I ate (or drank) my Pumpkin Chia Seed Pudding.  Epic fail about pudding because used almond milk.  A friend at work told me that almond milk doesn’t allow pudding based foods to solidify.  However, I can’t find any articles to help me remedy this situation.  Now it’s more like flavored milk with chia seeds.  Weird, but not revolting.

I walked to class and then home that night.  I was still in a good mood, feeling happy and excited about the days to come.  I got home, unwound for a few and my neighbor came over.  We talked about Thanksgiving foods for about an hour.  It made my mouth water and I couldn’t wait (and still can’t).  Oddly enough, this didn’t make me want to eat.  When he left, I drank a cup of tea, ate some mango.

Yesterday, I woke up feeling a little tired, but ready for the day.  Work went well and I think I even ate too little throughout the morning.  The afternoon, I turned down working a club so that I could go to a kettle bell kickboxing class.  Class was tough.  There were only 4 of us, so there was no hiding.  I worked my ass off, sweating like a madman.  I called my mom to talk to her about my plans for the weekend, because no they are more solid than they were at the beginning of the week.  I changed and walked almost 4 miles to go to BarBacon.  While there, I had so much fun.  Many of the people who were signed up for the event were my friends, and we caught up some more.  We had a beer and bacon flight with 4 choices of 5oz. beer and 2 slices of 4 flavors of bacon: Black Pepper, Applewood, Pecan, and Jalepeno.  I drank lots of water while I was there, refused to share tatar tots with the group and didn’t finish my entire flight.  I threw my napkin on top of bacon once I felt even slightly content.

 

I got home and usually would have eaten some more, but I was in a hyper good mood, I had some mints instead and hopped in for a shower.

This morning, I woke up at about 6:10, not packed.  Last week when I did this, I turned over and went back to sleep for a half hour.  This morning I got up and raced to get ready by 6:20 so I could make it to Crossfit on time.  I threw on my gym clothes, threw day clothes in my backpack, poured some water and ran out the door.  I made it!  Just in time and it was worth it; it was a vicious workout.  I was sore already today, but in a good way, especially since I gain 1 pound on the scale this morning.  Probably, since the bacon was so salty.  I am still thirsty now, over 15 hours later!

I headed to work for our writing celebration, and cringed when I saw the table of junk food.

 

 

I chose decisively that I wanted a rice ball which one of our parents make, and a cocktail pig in a blanket (just one).

 

It was so worth it to eat so nicely, I felt better that I didn’t pick at all the crap sitting there and tempting me.  At about 10 minutes into the hour long celebration, I went back to my room for a piece of gum to chew on so that I would want to eat all of the rest of stuff.

The day went on nicely, and at lunch I was hungry.  I had brought a sandwich and pudding, but I wanted to save that, since school lunch looked good today.  I ate some broccoli and a small piece of chicken breast, without the glaze sauce the kitchen puts on top.

Then I went to visit the Kindergarten writing celebration and was crossed with even more sweets, and ones more appealing to me.  I resisted, eating 2 clementines and leaving.

 

This evening, I’m planning on going out for a drink and then the watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Balloons.  Then about an hour ago, friends texted that they are going bar hopping tonight.  So I’m saving my sandwich for dinner before I hang out with these peoples.  So far, I have planned and controlled my cravings, but I’m getting nervous.  I can deal with tonight, getting a lot of water and one drink at each bar, pending how many we hit!

However, I still need to think about the rest of this weekend!

Tomorrow my mom is cooking and I can’t wait for stuffing and turkey and yams!  But I know I will easily drink a whole bottle of wine if I’m not careful, it is an all day affair in my house.  Then the rest of the weekend we will be together.  Foods I know are in my future:

Thursday: shrimp cocktail, pepperoni and cheese, salsa and chips, turkey, ham, biscuits, yams, rice, veggies in butter sauce, stuffing, wine, ice cream cake and cookies

Friday: French Toast Bake, leftovers for lunch, and white chicken chili and turkey red bean chili with cabbage and toppings (instead of rice), and evening snacks including popcorn, chips and salsa

Saturday: Breakfast Casserole, movie snacks

Sunday: back to my normal routine

I also found while on Pintrest a  post about Thanksgiving Fouls.  It talks about 4 ways diets go out the window on Thanksgiving.  I think that  it has some good advice including selecting 3 appetizers, 1 of which must be a veggies healthy option.  Start small, and take what you want as long as its a small portion, just enough to satisfy your palate.  Playing a game instead of picking on leftovers.

http://news.health.com/2009/11/23/4-thanksgiving-diet-fouls/?crlt.pid=camp.7vbUnNCz9eh4

I know I won’t be able to stick as closely as I would want, but I have high hopes and I just need to keep thinking, “is what I’m going to eat be worth it?”  Most of the times I know it won’t be.  My problem is all mental, knowing I only get these foods once or twice a year.  I need to get over that and only eat till I’m comfortable.  I got this!  It’s all about portion control…. more to come…

 

 

 

 

 

Weekend One Done

It’s a great weekend yet again, but truly a good one and I’m in a great mood today!

I’ve wanted to post for the last two days but things have been so busy, in a good way… Friday was a long day, since I only had a few hours sleep, but I got home and had some good mood creative juices running through my head, and instead of sleeping I wanted to lesson plan. I forced myself to sleep instead and was happy I did when my alarm went off Friday morning.
I had a meeting and a crazy morning with the kids. Once lunch duty was over and I defrosted, I ate another sandwich as I did all week, and I even resisted school lunch again, bringing down fruit to snack on while I’m in the cafeteria.
The staff happy hour I was planning flopped and so I stayed to grade math work. My friend called and we went for a glass of wine. I shuck true to my one glass as she ordered a second. She also tried convincing me to share an appitizer, but I refused, as she was going out to dinner and I was heading home for what I thought was going to be a night in. I was slightly worried about snacking on my couch, but figured I still had veggies and it would be okay.
We bumped into other coworkers and I had the opportunity to stay out and dunk some more, but also knew that was not a good idea after the conversations I had about my lonely state of mind.
I headed home regardless and plopped on my couch. I started thinking about everything I needed to do still even after my night at the library. My apartment was a hot mess. A friend of mine called, as he was in the area, and at first I said no to his offering of dinner at a local pizzeria. But then he was discussing issues he was having, and I felt he needed to talk, so I conceded. In our hour wait time, we hit a new bar in my neighborhood I had been wanting to try. Drinks were deliciously strong. Then we went for our reservation and I ordered a beet dish, in which my friend pretty much laughed at me as he ate this calzone type meal stuff with cheese, pepperoni and other deliciousness. Of course I tried it, but only a small price. I felt better that I went out and it turned out to be a nice night.

Saturday I had to tutor for much of the day, although I got there and was only schedule for 4 out of the 6 sessions I planned to complete. So what did I do? Instead of reading or writing tutor reports, I took a little nap. I had planned to walk home, but wasn’t feeling it, so I got my flu shot and walked into Chipotle. I saw the line and stared at the menu. And I walked out without ordering anything. Small victories! I walked towards the bridge before getting on the subway to go home.
While on the subway, I got an email about a speed dating night. It just so happened that this event was down the block from an event I was thinking about going to. So I had no excuses! I registered and started thinking about what to wear.
I got off the train and went food shopping, only picking up a few things because it’s a short week with the holiday and all. So I bought lettuce, apples and some frozen veggies since they were on sale. I got home and made my sandwiches for the week. Then I decided to make pumpkin chia pudding for the week as a snack. I used a cup of almond milk, half a cup of pumpkin, a tablespoon of chia seeds, and a tablespoon of maple syrup. I shook it and stuck it in the fridge. I don’t know what it tastes like yet because it had to set. I’ll try it tomorrow. I made myself a drink if vodka and sugar free red bull while I was prepping my food. I also have fruit and yogurt for breakfast. This way I don’t have to worry this week because it will be a busy one and I need to be good so I can stay good over the long thanksgiving weekend!

Then I showered and got ready to go out. At first I was planning on eating, but I got distracted and didn’t end up eating dinner. I did however get dressed and felt okay about it. I even put on heels.
I headed out and my first stop was this speed dating event. I went on 8 five minute dates and met some interesting men. I also met some new people to go out with. They served food as part of the mingle time, and I tried two mozzarella stick pieces and only ended up eating a bite of the pizza because it wasn’t good enough to be worth it

Then I headed to my e&a event down the block. We got to chatting about how we haven’t seem each other in a while and I ended up going to another bar with one friend. She said the was an Irish bar down the block and we walked towards is ending up in a Mexican bar with loud music next door by accident. It was right up my ally as there were so many cute guys. It was really loud and not my friend’s scene so we stayed for one drink and left. We went next door to the Irish pub, but it was packed so we didn’t stay. I headed to the subway to go home.
I want to to go back there to dance one night.
I got home and would normally have pigged out on anything I could find, stopping for a slice or something like it on my way home. But not this night! I changed and drank some water and crawled into bed.
This morning I headed to tutoring, stocked with snacks since I would be out all day! I ate a fiber one bar and coffee then at the end of my first session, the little girl gave me a box full of peppermint scones. Great, temptation!
But I stuck to my plan, I had my yogurt and a Quest bar along with 2 small apples instead of the scones. Now the question is what do I do with the full box?

I finished tutoring and headed downtown.  I walked 4 1/2 miles downtown and couldn’t bear heading to the library after sitting in a little room for more than 5 hours.  I decided to treat myself to a manicure.  I had a full card from their services and got a free 10 minute massage.  I then walked home another 3 1/2 miles.

I was hungry and made dinner right away.  Shirataki noodles with a frozen broccoli and cheese side and additional broccoli and cauliflower from Whole Foods was fast and filling.  The bowl was overflowing, but it was mostly just veggies, as it’s late and don’t want to overeat at this point.

 

 

I also knew I was going to want to try my scones.  I tried dishing them out, but I think since I tried it and it’s so amazing.  They are buttery, flakey, and filled with peppermint sweetness.  However, they are small and I only had one before sticking the rest of them in the fridge.  I think I’ll try to freeze the rest so they don’t go to waste, and I can use them as treats, not to overeat.

As for today, I need to really think and plan out my thanksgiving week, as I’m busy all week as don’t want this to be an excuse.  This idea that I could only eat one scone, and factor it into my calories, means I’m back on track.  I can’t allow Thanksgiving to turn from a meal to a day to a whole four day weekend.  My mom is already planning breakfast for the next day since so many people will be staying over.  I need to figure out how to restrain myself so that I don’t undo this good week….

More about my plan as I develop it…. I need to really figure out my schedule for the weekend before I can plan the rest of the weekend…